It's been a long time since anyone has posted and so I feel the need to do so.
Wedding planning is the pits. It is not my cup of tea at all. It's especially hard being away from home and trying to plan and trying to please everyone. I was going to do a ring ceremony because my family wanted to see me walk down the isle but that was too much stress for me. I have three father figures to walk me down the isle and no one thinks they all deserve it and so it would be a mess. Evan and I talked about it years ago and he said he would do it, but now he said that it would hurt my dad too much...so it's not happening at all. Then there is the daddy daughter dance to deal with. My reception is going to be a dance party so of course a daddy daughter dance is expected...I just have to coordinate it with three guys...except I don't think John will come...It's harder than I ever expected it being.
I went to my dad's house last time I was home and it was clean. It was noon and he hadn't poured a glass yet and didn't the whole time I was there. That was the only time that I have ever seen my dad remotely sober...it was so good! My Nana about had a heart attack when she heard me say I didn't want a daddy daughter dance at the wedding and she said that I am lucky to have more than one daddy to love me when so many kids don't have any. I never felt that way growing up, I grew up without having a dad...but now he is trying and I can see that, which means a lot to me but I feel like maybe I am still holding our past against him. I don't know what to do.
But I do want to have a mommy dance because I love my mom and I think Michael should dance with his mom ;) then I expect you all to dance the night away with me so it's not weird and wall flowery okay.
My colors are green and silver, Michael's mom is wearing a silver dress and his sister is in green. Dress shopping is stressing my mom out, she's like me and is never happy with how she looks, but she is wearing a black sparkly dress and the sparkles are silver so I say that's matching enough. Maybe we could incorporate black into the wardrobes so that she doesn't feel bad? Something about not wearing black to a wedding makes her feel bad...and we all know how well our group of girls looks in black ;)
The wedding is 35 days away today! Michael and I are doing pictures on Saturday and I don't know how to do my hair. Suggestions are more than welcome. I also think that I will be purchasing Toms wedges lol because I need comfy dancing shoes!!!
I'm also freaking out about my size. I weigh the same that I have weighed since last year but I feel like I'm not pretty enough or small enough and it's really getting to me. I have freak outs all the time and am pretty much an emotional time bomb waiting for the right straw to set me off. It's miserable and I feel bad for Michael. He didn't sign up to be stuck with a psycho for forever, but he knows how I am and he is who I cry to and he hasn't called it off, so I must have something going for me right?
So, how are things with Berg and Chris? hmm? It's bring a date to the wedding so he better come Berg. Also we were driving back from Michael's place and I saw Berg Mortuary and it made me laugh :) How are things with Danielle and Tim? Wedding bells yet? Sorry sweetie I didn't mean to say that in front of your mom, I figured if you and Tim had talked about it that you would have said something to her...oops ;)
I miss you guys and can't wait to see you. Until then, peace.
I miss you guys. I feel like we haven't had a girls' night in years.
