update...woo

Ok so Idk what Brandon's deal is. But I SAW him today...like he didn't come to see me, he went into Sportsman's Warehouse while I was at work and I saw him. He didn't say hi. I don't even think he saw me, I was like wtf you know I work here kid what is your problem! Ugh whatever. I am moving on...or trying to...blah I suck at boys and I want one sooo freaking bad! Grrr. Whatever, I'll be fine, alone...by myself...without a guy to hold me when I need it most...lol pathetic aren't I?
I went to the gym today. That was nice. So I ran to the gym. Worked out and saw the cutest boy like ever!!! Ha I couldn't stop looking at him! I think he noticed :) haha then I ran/walked home. Good hour or so workout. That was nice seeing as I eat ice cream and chocolate daily. Ugh
I'm pretty much a mess right now. I want this boy to want me. I want Evan to be able to stay in Alaska where I feel that he's safer. I want my birthday present that is in the office cuz I missed the UPS guy while I was at work. I want my homework to be done. I want to be skinny. I want to be happy. The worst thing is that when Brandon and I started, I was giddy as a clam!! I was the happiest I'd been in forever! Ugh and it was all a ploy! :( suck.
Oh well.
I hope things are going well for you too. Berg, I'm excited for your cooking thing, I hope that works out nicely for you. Danielle good luck on picking schools. I miss you girls and love you tons. Peace out.

My Weekly Update

First of all, sorry for not writing as much. I do at least once a week though! I've just been super busy lately. Which is why I can't wait for this to be over! I think there's only like a month and a half left. My latest annoyance is my spinning class. Ha, I love the workout I get, but I HATE waking up at 7am. Well actually I wake up at 6:30, but it really sucks. And my schedule is so busy that I can't usually go to bed till around midnight so I only get about 6 hours of sleep. With my previous schedule 6 hours of sleep wasn't too bad, but now that I'm doing this working out stuff, it just kills me! I'm so tired all the time! So I didn't go to spinning this morning. Which is kinda funny cause our teacher told us not to miss this morning cause they were doing heart rate monitors. The other thing is that the teacher isn't my favorite. When I'm doing cardio, I like to go at my own pace. I don't like to push myself to the point of throwing up! And that's how I feel in the class. Because she yells at us and what not to work harder and not slow down. But I don't really like that she yells at me to keep going when I'm lightheaded (I've had a constant headache for almost 5 days now)....so I'm just kind of annoyed with her.
Bergen I'm so excited you got accepted to ISU! And yes I am coming home for the summer. The last day of school is the 13th (my birthday!) of May which is the last day of finals week. I still haven't made a final decision on a school. I'm leaning towards USU, but I haven't received scholarships from either school yet....so we'll see. I think I'll be able to come home that week or that weekend. I'm getting out of here ASAP!
Hailey, hang in there babe. I know taking a break and seeing Evan will make it harder at first, but I think you really need a break. And you definitely deserve one. I think that from what I've heard about Brandon.....that I'm starting to agree with Bergen. He seems kinda like a douche. He just....doesn't seem all that committed to you. Well I know he told you that he didn't know if he wanted to be official or whatever, but if I have plans with someone and they continue to blow me off....I dunno I'd get annoyed. You've got some fun things to look forward to though! Your trip to see Evan, and then Bullet in May! At least you have those to look forward to!
Like I said, I can't wait to be back home and have things over with for a while. I just want things to slow down so I can relax haha. I am working out...as I explained before, but I really want to drop that class. I just...hate being tired all the time and just am not very happy with it. We'll see what happens, I don't think they'll allow me to drop the class, but we'll see. I love you guys and I can't wait to see you! Hang in there both of you!

Stress and tears and all that crap

So pretty sure I haven't updated ya'll in a while...sorry.
I'm glad that you both enjoyed spring break and I'm jealous that you got one. But as you both know I will be taking my own spring break. Granted classes will go on with out me and I will have to work really hard to keep up...I still am getting my depressed lil butt out of here.
So I don't know what's going on with Brandon. A couple weeks ago he called and said he'd pick me up but never showed. Then didn't talk to me for a few days. Then we hung out and he was all kissy cuddley again. Then Friday he didn't talk to me until pretty late like after my roomies and I had movie tickets to Princess and the Frog...yes I love it so I went to it again! And then Brandon went to some dance party and later my roommate who is dating his roommate asked why I stood him up. I was like, I did? Apparently he thought I did, I was pretty sure when I said I was at the movies that he got the hint that I was at the movies...but whatever.Then this last Saturday he blows me off again. Yeah k so my roommate and I bought tickets to Sherlock Holmes (great movie ps) and invited him and another guy I work with to come. They both were game. Mike (the fun nice guy I work with) came and Brandon said he'd be late. Brandon never showed. He apparently went to a bon fire with his roommates and friend from back home. I know this because my roommate told me. She's like ya he talked about you all night and wanted to see you blah blah blah and I was like really, cuz I was pretty sure he was coming with me? But whatever. I haven't talked to him since. The sinking realization that I probably was just a make out buddy is settling in. Shane and I got in a fight over this boy though because he keeps saying I defend him (which I do) but he doesn't know him and keeps rubbing in my face how I keep getting stood up. It's kinda a touchy subject. Whatever I'll get over it.
Then also as you both know, Evan is getting deployed in a few weeks. I bawled my eyes out forever and still tear up and just want to cry. I'm an emotional mess. I'm either off my rocker crazy just to not think about my reality or I'm miserable in teh realization of how badly it all sucks. I love Evan sooo much. I'm super grateful that I get to go see him next week but I also know that it might make things harder...like when coming back from break this semester I just hated it here and didn't want to be here at all because I was so homesick. I'm afraid I might get Evansick and just miss him like crazy and deploy myself to the mideast. But I wouldn't give up the opportunity to see him for the world. I love him so much. Plus I get to meet his lil girly friend and scare her in person :) hehe.
Um so over the past week I have eaten my weight in ice cream and candy...pretty sure I'm huge. And I'd like to say that I don't care...but I hate looking at myself. Ugh. I'm pmsy, I'm irritable and super moody...and I'm on the verge of crying like all the time. Not my happiest of times.
Plus zits are going crazy out of stress and who knows what. My gym shoes broke so they stabbed me in the heals so I stopped going to the gym, but I bought some new ones (their green and I like them) so hopefully I will get back on track with going. Ugh I am just kind of miserable right now.
OH!!! But pleasant knews!!! I took the sacrament for the first time in like four months on Sunday! It was really good. Tyler started talking to me again cuz he saw that I was super upset or something and he was like you know I'll always be here for you right and I was like whatev lol. I'm so happy that I can think that the Lord doesn't think of me as complete scum anymore. That's a nice thought for me. My Mom is registering Rhonwen for kindergarden tomorrow...CRAZY huh!!! Its sooo weird. Oh and on top of my emotional trauma, I had midterms and was pretty much a mess...so were my scores...oops. Whatev. Anway I'm tired so I'm gonna try to sleep (I have insomnia so it takes like an hour to fall asleep because I sit and think about everything and that really sucks too) but ya.
I love you girlies and I hope all is going well for you. Danielle I am SUPER excited for the Bullet concert and Berg I'm way happy that you are coming closer. I will be here all summer and everything because the year round thing will prolly work best for me...but you guys will have to come spend like a week with me. I mean I'll have class in the morning but we can work around that and my roomie is moving out so there will be room and it'd be tons of fun and I need to see you guys! I miss you tons! Love you!

monotony and boredom

So here I am in the University computing lab thinking all about how much I don't want to walk home. Since I have free time this afternoon I decided to blog a little bit about past happenings. As you both know, I was accepted to ISU and have made plans to transfer there for the next semester. It's amazing to me how having one thing finalized makes everything else slippery. I now have to work on scholarships and housing all over again. It's kind of insane. I'm not too happy about it, but it's a lot easier to look for scholarships now that I'm IN college instead of looking for them and TRYING to get into college. I'm super excited about my little adventure to Pocatello, but I'm majorly stressing about it too.
I now have to buy my own lap top and pay my own rent. If I don't get a well-paying job (or yikes...two well paying jobs!) this summer than I will be screwed. Also, a job when I'm up there would be super nice!
Question! Are you two coming home for the summer? Hailey--I think you mentioned something about year round schooling. Well suck balls if you did, because I want to see you two this summer!!! Danielle--I hope that you are coming home! Are you having any luck with your decision about schools? I hope it all works out for you!!
I just dropped my icky Spanish class and other than that things are looking pretty good here. My Step and Sculpt class started up today and I am MAJORLY excited to be exercising for real again! With no food in the house, it's pretty freaking easy not to eat. It's ridiculous. I can't wait until I get paid on Friday so that we can EAT. I miss food :(
Well, here's an update on my life. Now you two need to update this too! It's turning into a BergenFest. As cool as that is, it's your blog too!! Over and Out.

P.S. GIRLS CHAT ROOM ASAP!!!

Dreading the Coming Months!

Hello friends!

I have just been sitting at home enjoying Spring Break. Ah, it's so nice to get away from Twin and get back to where I'm happy! I love getting away from that place. Ick. Bergen, I'm happy you're enjoying your Spring Break with friends as well. I love Spokane! I've been reading quite a bit too. But sadly, I just finished my book and I need to find some new ones! Hailey, hang in there babe lol. You'll really have to come home for your birthday...and then just keep looking forward to Bullet! And...keep us updated with that confusing boy of yours.

I only have two months left of school and I'm really looking forward to a nice long break. I'm not quite sure if I'll be working this summer, but I'm really hoping so! My decision for school next fall isn't set in stone because I still haven't heard about scholarships, but I'm leaning towards Logan and Utah State. Things can still change though.

I am dreading the day (Sunday) when I have to drive back to Twin. I was gonna take Dustin with me for a week haha...but he just got a job. Which is actually really good! I'm happy for him. But starting school again is...UGH! Not very appealing to me. I'll just have to deal with it and keep looking forward to the end. I have been doing kind of good with exercise. Only because I am forced to wake up at 6am every morning for a spinning class. I'm also looking forward to the end of that! Haha. But keep your heads up girls. I hope to see you both soon! Love you and miss you!

Spring Break for Bergen

Hey friends!!

Just thought I'd give a quick update--since it looks like our blog hasn't seen much of those lately! I am currently in my friend's apartment chillaxing while she's at work and her boyfriend is at school. I decided that I didn't want to sit around all week and rot away in my apartment so I asked if I could come to Cheney and stay with her for a few days to get away from my monotonous life. She agreed and can I just say how beautiful changes in scenery can be?

To be honest, nothing terribly exciting has happened, but the fact that I'm not at home makes everything ten times better! I'm sad that I couldn't go home-home and that I couldn't see my mom or my family, but I sure am glad that I didn't sit in that apartment all week. I would have killed something. Not pleasant.

So far I have eaten a TON of delicious food, shopped for books that I shouldn't have bought, dyed my hair twice, modeled for my photographer friend, stayed up late, watched good movies, read some amazing books, walked around Spokane--and it's only WEDNESDAY!!! WOOT.

Unfortunately this is my last full day with them, as I will be returning to my podunk apartment tomorrow afternoon. I am trying not to be depressed about school starting up again, but seriously. Who can be excited about returning to a life of drudgery? Not I.

Well, there's a brief update on my life and Spring break. Oh!!! and HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!! I hope you're wearing green! Over and Out!!

Brandon

Ok so here is my story...eeek!!!
Monday night my apartment went to dinner at Larson (my roommate's new boy toy and Matt Bessey's old mission companion's roommate). It was super fun and we all just kinda chowed down and chilled and talked. I had met most of the roommates before (including Brandon and I thought he was super cute and wanted my roomie to hook me up but Larson said he had some girls following him and didn't want me to get hurt so it didn't happen). We all just sat and talked and what can I say, Brandon and I hit it off pretty good. Then he asked for my number because he had to leave to go write a paper. HE ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!!!! :) Anyway then later when I was home watching Make it or Break it (the best show ever) Brandon txted me! I was like jumping off the walls with excitement. We had talked about hot tubing Tuesday night but it didn't work out because he got done with his Chemistry too late so we decided to rain check. Then yesterday (Wednesday) he txted me some more and wanted to hang out after he got off work (this boy has three jobs). So I went to this comedy show with my roommates, it's called Divine Comedy and it is super funny. Then on the way home Brandon CALLED ME!!! I screamed when I hung up the phone because I was so excited that he called me! Lol oh, and he called me to ask me to come over and go hot tub with him...and, being the smartie I am, earlier yesterday I just so happened to buy a cute new swim suit! hehe!
So then I was driving to his place (because his car got stolen) and called Bergen because I was like having a panic attack. I was super nervous! But I got there and all went well. We watched the end of myth busters with his roomies and then him and I headed to the pool area. We sat in the hot tub and just talked about random fun and exciting things until we got too hot and went back and changed. Then he took me on a walk to the Provo River (which is like the size of the canal that runs through my land back home) and stood on the bridge holding each other. It was marvelous! I was so happy just to have a guy's arms around me. Then he said that he wanted to be straight forward with me and that he didn't know if he wanted to be exclusive, which I was okay with because this was our first time that we had hung out alone together kinda thing, but I was a bit upset because I want a freaking boyfriend!!! Anyway, he told me this and was like you are super gorgeous and awesome and I really want to get to know you better so we're gonna have to go out and do stuff and just see where it goes kind of thing. So then we just stood there holding each other more and just talking about whatever came to mind--like really, we talked about some way random things lol. And it killed me cuz there were times that he'd put his face really close to mine and we'd just kinda look at each other and smile type thing--pretty much the lead up to a kiss, but he didn't know what he wanted so I figured he didn't want to kiss right? Right. K well...then....one of our beautiful little gazes, he bent down and kissed me!!! Oh my gosh it has been like three months and so that was pretty much fantastic! I was (and still am) confused because of the whole I don't know if I want to be exclusive thing and then the entire make out scene...but I just went with it because I was so giddy. Then we went to my car because I was afraid that it would get booted because it was after curfew, but we got lucky. So then, we leaned up against my car and kissed some more. MMMM! Then we got cold and I went to drive him across the parking lot to his casa and my car was so much warmer that when we were outside his apt kissing goodbye it turned into more kissing and I just parked and we were there for like forever. He said he could spend the whole night with me if he didn't have class and such early in the morning. I got home around one thirty two ish and slept like an angel.
Then this morning he started txting me at seven thirty!
I want this to be legit. I want him to like me, I don't want to get played again. I don't want to get hurt again. I really like him and am falling too fast for my own good, it feels like Peter all over again because it's so fast and happy but I don't want to hurt that bad again. On the plus side Brandon is an RM so won't be leaving but on the down side that means if we don't work out it's my fault and he really did just play me. UGH! So complicated! Why can't I just be happy and not worry about all this crap that comes with it? Everyone keeps saying that they don't want to see me get hurt, and I don't want to either, but can't I just hope for the best and take a leap of faith? I'll be like Humpty Dumpty and eventually someone can put me back together again. It's happened before.
Anyway, so the point of this mainly was that I am giddy as a clam because of the fantabulous boy that kissed me and held me and made me feel pretty. I liked it a lot!
But ya, I'm done now, I love you girlies! I'll get a pic asap haha I hope lol :) peace out.

A Bit Of Ridiculous Nonsense

I am sick of feeling gross about myself. With that in mind, I have decided ONCE AGAIN to restart this diet and exercise thing. I am really tired of starting up and being motivated and then failing miserably within a few days. I really want to feel good about myself. I'm tired of looking in the mirror or looking down at myself and hating what I see. I've decided that I am going to take charge and change it. I want to feel good. I want to look good. And I am going to do it for no other reason than myself. Sorry Toby. You're hot, but unless I'm getting in bed with you everynight, you're not going to be much motivation. *sigh* This time things will be different. THEY REALLY WILL.

So I've been thinking...we haven't had a girls chat room in a while, and I think it is severely overdue! So let's schedule one. Maybe on Sunday? Let me know when you two are open and we will set up a time. I miss talking to you girlies! It always makes me feel better after we have our little vent sessions. Let's all go to ISU! Great idea!

Just a short update and another (hopefully successful this time) start to a beautiful new me. FABULOUS. Miss you tons and wish you luck in your own personal endeavors of various natures. Mucho Lovo. Over and Out!

MMHMM...An update!

I haven't got much time, but here's my update! My current frustration (other than effing school) is the damn ISU Admissions Office! I got an email from them yesterday and it said, "This is the fourth notice we've sent you and you haven't finished your application, we still need your college transcripts." Something like that. Keep in mind I applied Jan 14. Like a month and a half ago. I replied and said that I have my receipt for when my transcript shipped on Jan. 14 and I haven't gotten a notice about this in about a month. (So yeah they've sent me four notices, but they were all like after the first two weeks I applied). And they replied and said "we need your EITC transcript and maybe you should check your spam box for our emails." EFF! I feel like I'm dealing with freakin idiots! My EITC credits are ON my CSI transcript! Becuase I have like 3 or 4 credits from high school from EITC. I don't understand why they need a completely different transcript if it's sitting right in front of their face! And now this is gonna take forever. Because I have to fill out a paper and send that to EITC which will take about a week. And then they will send the transcript to ISU which will take about another week. What really pisses me off is that they waited so long to tell me they wanted the EITC one too (Like I understand wanting my EITC credits....but the CSI and EITC transcripts are combined). So my application has been incomplete ever since the scholarship deadline. Like...EF! I applied like a month before the scholarship deadline but NO! They have to wait till AFTER the dead line to tell me the application is unfinished. Am I the only one who thinks that this is unfair? Ughhhh.
Anyway, on a happier note, I got to see Dustin again! On their way back, Tim, Dustin, and Nick stopped in Twin. Dustin stayed with me and Tim and Nick ended up spending the night and Whytnee's (who is moving back home btw, so now I'm REALLY gonna be alone here!) But I had fun!
I behind in homework :( I have TOOONS of reading to do for my history paper that's due next friday and it's a big paper and I'm kinda freaking out about it!
Bergen, my spring break is in two weeks! March 15-19. And I got the whole week off! I'm thinking I'll be able to come home! And I'm going home the weekend after that and the weekend after that. Haha lots of traveling in March. It'll be fun! and busy. And also Bergen, I'm really sorry about your Spanish class. Sometimes advisors and administration people can be really annoying! One of my advisors screwed me over last semester by taking that dumb math class. Yeah I found out this semester that I didn't even have to take it! But this guy told me I HAD TO! But I hope your mom is able to visit! My mom visited last weekend and we had lots of fun! I'm actually thinking of making a visit to Moscow soon. I got accepted to U of I! So I kinda wanna check things out. And...I think I like this semester better. Well I don't know. It's more stressful and Dustin isn't here....but I have better and harder classes and I know a few more people.
Hailey, I haven't heard tons from you! Are you still coming home the weekend after your birthday? It would be pretty cool cause that's when I'm coming home too! We definitely need to chill!
Anyway I have to go do my volunteer time at the Elementary School now. Love you girls! UPDATE MORE! I promise I will. Love you!

Time to Vent

URGH! You know a post is going to be good when you start it off with a noise. So--I'm trying to drop my Spanish class because it sucks and I'm not good at it and I'm way behind and getting a bad grade in it. But my advisor is NOT getting back to me. It's so freaking annoying. So, I haven't been going because there's no point when you fail the quizzes and tests, well I'm really close to being kicked out because you can only miss like 5 days, but I can't just drop it because I have to have a minimum of 12 credits for my pell grant and scholarships, but my advisor won't talk to me! I am so unbelievably stressed and frustrated right now! It's uber annoying. I'm an English major..why should I have to study another language? That makes no sense. Also when I transfer to ISU (because they better accept me!) I will be taking Sign Language, which counts as another language and I will have wasted two semesters on Spanish. SO STUPID.
Phew. I feel better after getting that out there :P How are you girlies doing? I think you both need to update better!! I check the blog everyday and it is almost always the same. How are your diets going? Hailey--didn't you start the biggest loser at work? How's that going? Tell us more details about that. Danielle--I'm glad you got to spend some time with Dustin!
When are your spring breaks? What are your plans for them? I won't be able to come home for that week, but my mom might come and see me! That would rock! I hope it ends up happening. It will be a nice break. But that means midterms and I hate them :( Oh well. Halfway through our 2nd semester of Freshmen year! WOOOOOT.
Do you think it went by faster or slower than high school's freshmen year? How would you rate this semester against your last semester? Better or worse? Well I miss you girlies. Hope your lives are fantabulous. Over and out.