OOO my goodness. It's been too long. I kind of stopped updating once I got home from Twin. Sorry about that girlies. I've been updating you guys other ways though. Bergen we talk tons cause we hang out, and ever since that concert, I've texted you lots more Hailey. But I'm determined to keep this going so yay Hailey for updating today!! So now it's my turn.
Boys are pretty much the stress of my life right now. Well...mostly just one in particular. I really don't know what to do about Dustin. I don't want to get married and he knows that. But I don't know...it's just so hard for me to let go! It might be because he's my first boyfriend and we've been together for 2 1/2 years....but it could also be because I love him and I'm meant to be with him. But I don't know! Dustin is one of my best friends, I can be myself completely around him! And he's the same way. We have so much in common, but not at the same time which I think is a good thing. He's finally doing something with his life and he CAN'T back out of this one. He's doing it and that's that. It's good for him and as hesitant as I am about it, I'm really proud of him. But what the hell am I supposed to do?? I know what you girlies think....I know what everyone thinks about it. And I've been given a lot of great advice. The best of which was probably, "Do what makes you happy." I'm trying to think of what's going to make me happiest in the future. Either way is going to be really hard I think. We've talked about it a lot...lots of tears...lots of late night talks. But I'm still confused as ever! And I'm running out of time............
On to another subject I guess, because I feel that you guys already know what's going on with Dustin and I. Um...what else is there? Well I've been working and it's good. Sometimes Big J's annoys me, but I really am blessed. To have a job at all this summer. Broc is a good boss and although I wish I'd get more hours, I understand why I don't. I'm having a great summer though...despite the stress. I'm always stressed about something, so I don't even take stress into my "happiness" consideration anymore. Did that even make sense? Ha whatever.
So that Chris guy has been talking to me a lot. Text, fb chat, and msn messenger. Obviously nothing is going to happen because I have a boyfriend and I'm not that kind of a person. But I'm still allowed to say that he's cute haha.
Gotta get working on a scholarship application so maybe paying for school will be a tiny bit easier. I'm afraid I will probably procrastinate this....well wait...I already have. Haha. I'll end up cramming everything into a few days because that's what I always do with EVERYTHING! But...it always gets done and hey, I came out of my first year of college alright right?? Haha.
Let me just end this update with one thing. I love you girls and I am truly grateful for everything in my life, including you girls! I think that it's possible that this blog saved my sanity last semester. Ha, Bergen I've been having a great time with you! And Hailey, I can't wait to see you soon and then in a couple months I'll be much closer! Love you girls!
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Hey dear, I know the Dustin thing is hard so I'm going to be very blunt with you as you were with me: Life is full of if's and unanswered questions. You make a choice and you will never know if it was the right one or not. The grass always seems greener on the other side but the reality is that the grass is pretty freakin green where we are anyway. The Dustin situation is a super hard one. You have been dating him for long enough that you have a serious attatchment. You love him (if you believe in that sort of thing...my views are still mixed on the topic of love) and you guys know each other better than anyone. He has become your best friend and the center of you emotions over the past years. Marriage out of the question, the option to wait for him while he's out is always there and if you can't handle that then I'd say its not meant to be. The reason the rest of us say that it might be good for you to break up and go test the waters to see what else is out there, is because we want the best for you. Dustin has been like a bum for quite some time now. Can't hold a job, kinda unstable, just things like that. If you are thinking long term relationships you need to look to the perspective of your future, will he support you and your kids or will you end up like Staisha trying to support all of you with crappy jobs that you hate? Ultimately, yes, do what makes you happy, but know that whichever it is, happiness is something that has to be worked for and at first may seem unachievable. Pray about it, I know that's a super BYU student thing for me to say, but the feeling you get when you are in your calmest state of mind is probably the one to follow.
ReplyDeleteI love you tons girly and want to see everything work out wonderfully for you.
:) love Hailey
Thanks babe.....I know I might sound really defensive here but I'm pretty sure that Dustin won't freak out with long term and he will be able to support me and whoever else comes along. If that's what I decide. He's not the kind of guy that would NOT try his hardest to support a family. Plus the Army gives him like super good job opportunities, even when he's done. The whole reason he's even thinking marriage is because he knows he could support me based on the money he'll be making. But he doesn't see the idea of a break....I'm trying to make him understand. But he just doesn't think it's right. I can kind of see his point. He says that if you need to date other people to figure out that you love me enough to marry me, then that's wrong............I think he's got a point, but so do I. So we just have conflicting view points. Yeah.....I guess I'll figure it out. Thank babe. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteI agree that its not entirely right to date others to see if you're the right one, but thats not what i said. I think if you can't handle long distance then the future thing won't work. Taking a break to date others is an easy way of saying i want to see what i'm missin out on ya know? which shouldn't be the case. you have a tough decision and no one is questioning that.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah no I wasn't sayin you were questioning it.....ugh!!! It's difficult. I'm not enjoying it. But thanks babe.
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