My big day

Hello ladies,

It's been a long time since anyone has posted and so I feel the need to do so.

Wedding planning is the pits. It is not my cup of tea at all. It's especially hard being away from home and trying to plan and trying to please everyone. I was going to do a ring ceremony because my family wanted to see me walk down the isle but that was too much stress for me. I have three father figures to walk me down the isle and no one thinks they all deserve it and so it would be a mess. Evan and I talked about it years ago and he said he would do it, but now he said that it would hurt my dad too much...so it's not happening at all. Then there is the daddy daughter dance to deal with. My reception is going to be a dance party so of course a daddy daughter dance is expected...I just have to coordinate it with three guys...except I don't think John will come...It's harder than I ever expected it being.

I went to my dad's house last time I was home and it was clean. It was noon and he hadn't poured a glass yet and didn't the whole time I was there. That was the only time that I have ever seen my dad remotely sober...it was so good! My Nana about had a heart attack when she heard me say I didn't want a daddy daughter dance at the wedding and she said that I am lucky to have more than one daddy to love me when so many kids don't have any. I never felt that way growing up, I grew up without having a dad...but now he is trying and I can see that, which means a lot to me but I feel like maybe I am still holding our past against him. I don't know what to do.

But I do want to have a mommy dance because I love my mom and I think Michael should dance with his mom ;) then I expect you all to dance the night away with me so it's not weird and wall flowery okay.

My colors are green and silver, Michael's mom is wearing a silver dress and his sister is in green. Dress shopping is stressing my mom out, she's like me and is never happy with how she looks, but she is wearing a black sparkly dress and the sparkles are silver so I say that's matching enough. Maybe we could incorporate black into the wardrobes so that she doesn't feel bad? Something about not wearing black to a wedding makes her feel bad...and we all know how well our group of girls looks in black ;)

The wedding is 35 days away today! Michael and I are doing pictures on Saturday and I don't know how to do my hair. Suggestions are more than welcome. I also think that I will be purchasing Toms wedges lol because I need comfy dancing shoes!!!

I'm also freaking out about my size. I weigh the same that I have weighed since last year but I feel like I'm not pretty enough or small enough and it's really getting to me. I have freak outs all the time and am pretty much an emotional time bomb waiting for the right straw to set me off. It's miserable and I feel bad for Michael. He didn't sign up to be stuck with a psycho for forever, but he knows how I am and he is who I cry to and he hasn't called it off, so I must have something going for me right?

So, how are things with Berg and Chris? hmm? It's bring a date to the wedding so he better come Berg. Also we were driving back from Michael's place and I saw Berg Mortuary and it made me laugh :) How are things with Danielle and Tim? Wedding bells yet? Sorry sweetie I didn't mean to say that in front of your mom, I figured if you and Tim had talked about it that you would have said something to her...oops ;)

I miss you guys and can't wait to see you. Until then, peace.

I miss you guys. I feel like we haven't had a girls' night in years.

Update Finally

Hey ladies,

I finally decided to post an update! I just got back from a trip home for Easter weekend. I can't say that I'm glad to be back. I am pretty sick of Pocatello right now. Blah. I am so burnt out on school. That's all we've ever done. Go to school. I think it's stupid.

Nothing is final yet, but I'm fairly certain I'll be moving back home for this summer. If I can't find a job here, then I'll search in IF and St. A, but I'm pretty sure I'll be working at the Daycare in IF. I'll still live at home though. What are your plans? I know Danielle is moving home, but I don't know what you're doing Hailey. I just hope this summer is as fun as last summer. I am ready for fun again. School is draining me. I only have 2 more weeks left. Yes!

There really isn't much of a story to tell about Chris and me. We started talking on Facebook one day and that lead to texting which lead to a date, which eventually ended up with us being dating. Pretty uneventful. I can honestly say I never thought that would happen. I didn't plan it or think about it before ever. But I'm happy. We get along really well, he's the nicest guy and so far so good. If you want more details, feel free to ask. But really, that's about all there is.

I'm not doing so hot this semester, which I am pretty upset about. Like I said, pretty burnt out on school. I am trying to get into the culinary arts program here. I can do food pretty well. I should be able to, because freak, I have gained almost 20 pound since being here. Pretty freaking stupid. Life is just blah right now. I am ready to move home and then come back after a break. Danielle, I am glad you will be home,we will have to get together like we did last summer. Are you planning on working at Big J's again?

Hailey, I know you're staying for school, and I think you're crazy. How the crap can you afford constant schooling? I would go insane. How are you doing? How is your man? Danielle, how are things between you and Tim? I feel like I'm so behind. Please fill me in! I miss you two, I think we need to get together soon for the sake of my sanity. I feel like I'm drowning in life. Only Ben and Jerry can save me now. Have a good day ladies!

Catching up

Hey ladies!!
Okay so it has been WAY too long since we've done this, and I agree with Danielle, we need to keep in touch better.
Berg, I feel like we all want the story on you and Chris, your pics on Facebook are super cute btw, so hows that whole shindig working out for ya?
Danielle, I'm way jealous that you are going home for the summer so you both will just have to take a roadtrip to see me. :) Oh, and I'm stoked to see you this week at the concert! I still need to buy my tickets but I'll do that today.
Okay, catching up on me time:
So things with Peter didn't work out. We didn't really try..it was just that there was really nothing there. But I'm not upset about it at all. Having him to write to and destress me was a huge blessing for me while he was on his mission.
Michael and I have been on and off all semester. We started out just using each other and then got feelings so cut it off and then realized we wanted to be together and then cut it off and then really got together and then he got freaked and broke up with me on my birthday. Well we are back together and this time is the real deal. I mean REAL DEAL lemon peel, like marriage real deal. We talk about it a lot and when he tells me goodnight/goodbye at night he always says that he can't wait until he can just sleep with me in his arms...:) so cute! A lot of people think I'm stupid or crazy or naive or whatever for getting back with him. I've never legitimately had my heart broken until him...I don't think I've ever given my whole self to anyone except him. I thought I loved Peter, and I do love him, he has been a big part of my life for the past two years, but now its just friend love. I love Conner and probably always will (ps he is like my favorite person to talk to now) but I never openly told him I was in love with him. Michael is different, I feel like I can't tell him enough how much I love him. He is like me in guy form. I don't have to finish sentences when I am with him because he knows how I think, and he thinks the same. I can be my crude, sarcastic, and relatively dirty self around him and I am just comfortable with him. I can sit and do nothing with him and be completely content. We are reading the Continuous Atonement together every night (the bishop recommended it to both of us, so we are doing it together) and it is so good. I definitely recommend the book, but it has been amazing to just sit and read it with him. It's exactly what both of us need to hear and it gives us a chance to invite the Spirit and the Lord into our relationship which we both feel is important. He is a psychology major but he wants to be a doctor. He is probably coming to Rise Against with me because he doesn't want me to drive alone, and he won't tell you this, but he loves them too. We have the same taste in music and movies and it's just so right. The only things we can't agree on are that he says he doesn't like Idaho and we can't agree on how many kids to have because he thinks 17 is too many...but we'll work it out. He is coming home with me in the near future to meet the fam..though he is slightly terrified because he knows that they know that he broke my heart and he feels like he needs forever to make that up to me. I am having Easter dinner with his family so that will be interesting. Omgosh guys, I really like this guy! This is so weird for me to be so comfortable liking a guy and having it last longer than a month! I don't know what I'm doing but I like it!!!
My last day of classes is tomorrow. Finals start on Saturday except Spanish and Water Aerobics start this week. I'm actually not too stressed about it. I bought a punching bag and named him Manny Mensworth (I bought him when I was mad at Michael because I needed something to punch) and I love him soooo much. He's padded and 5'5 or so and just a blast to beat up on. I move in with Becky in two weeks so that will be fun. Other than that...not a whole lot is going on here.
I miss you both and agree with Danielle, we need a BYOBJ/JTMD night asap.
Love and laughs friends, peace out!

It's been...how long?!?!?!?

So I think it's been like.....6 months since I've even checked this. I'm sure no one else checks it either, but I'm going to tell you both to check it...so...yeah. ha :) Okay can I first say that.....I think we should use this more. It worked REALLY well for the first...like 4 months! Let's do it again! Because I miss you both.

For me, the semester is almost over! 3 1/2 more weeks and then I'M FREE!!! For a few months anyway. I'm going home for the summer and I'm stoked! XD What are you guys doing for the summer? Well I know that Hailey is staying...because you're crazy and doing more school. Jk love you. Berg what is your plan for the summer?! Brad told me that you changed..or were thinking of changing your major. How is school and the poky life going for you?! So much better than Moscow? You seem to have tons of fun with your roommates! And how is Chris?! I think it's so cute that you're dating :) Is the long distance relationship working out? An hour and a half isn't bad right? Sorry there's so many questions, we just haven't talked in so long!!!!

I guess I'll take the time to talk about me. Wow that sounds conceded. but it's not I promise! Anyway..I've been working at American Eagle. Love the discount...hate the hours. I'm a bad salesperson. But I might get put on freight soon so that would be exciting! I'm thinking my study for the next 2 years will be double major in speech and public relations and do a music minor. But that's subject to change :) Hailey...props to you for keeping your major, holy eff! Dustin is going to Iraq...pretty soon actually and I've talked to him a bit since he got out of boot camp. Things are....fine I guess. He still really wants to get back together, but I just keep saying no. Just doesn't feel right I guess. I've been talking to Tim a lot lately...you both know that ha. We'll see what happens.

When is the next time both of you will be home?!?!? Because I feel like it's been too long since we've have a BYOBJ and JTMD night. Love you both. A lot. :)

It's Been A While

I'm sorry it has been such a long time since I've talked to either of you or updated this blog, but I have been really crazy busy lately. School for me is going great. Let me just say that I miss you both really bad. I could use a BYOBJ and some JTMD with my favorite girls right about now.

I have the best roommates this year and I'm really thankful for it. They are getting me out of the apartment and doing things that I never really do and it has been a lot of fun. It is definitely an improvement from last year. I am just so tired because I am always doing something. Classes are going pretty well, but they are really intense. I had a test in every class this Thursday and Friday so I was pretty stressed. I guess thats' part of the reason I'm so tired right now. I just studied and crammed and now is my time to crash.

Congratulations on your new boy Danielle! It's exciting and new and I am happy for you if you are happy too. I know it will be hard to break things off with Dustin, but don't worry about that so much right now. Just have fun and follow your heart. Hailey, I'm sorry about your Luke situation. This is just a thought, but maybe you should stop dating boys from work...that never seems to work out the greatest. I don't hate you and I miss you! I just haven't had a whole lot of time to talk to anyone lately. Seems like I am going a hundred miles an hour.

Okay--so here's some good news. There's a boy in Bergen's life now too! He's amazing and I am really happy. He lives in the apartment across from ours and so far so good. When I have free time it's mostly spent there so it seems like I'm never home just chilling.

I really miss you two and hope that we can keep up with this blogging and texting and calling thing that we got into last year. I'm jealous you guys are in the same state, because even though I might be closer geographically, I still feel like I'm out of the Utah circle. Please remember little old me in Idaho. I love hearing about your lives. Love you soooo much. TEXT ME!

NEWS

Hey ladies! Danielle is right, we do keep in better touch since we've had this even if it's not entirely through this lol. But I think that it is worth posting on!!! I miss you both and Danielle I can't wait to see you this Wednesday! You forgot to blog about how totally stoked you are for the concert!!! :)
So things that have been going on: A boy asked for my number at work. His name is Luke. I went out with him a few times but I think that mostly he just wants to get in my pants...so I probably won't be seeing him anymore because it makes me feel kinda like a hooch and like I should go repent again and I don't want to be in that situation again. So we'll drop him. What else...Oh! Rise Against was the best live performance I have ever seen and I am madly in love with the lead singer!!! He's hot and talented and fabulous! And that trip was a blast. Allen was all cuddly and hand holdy and that wasn't the greatest so I told him how I felt and that it wasn't going to happen. Now we just kinda went back to normal, like nothing ever happened so we'll see how we are in person on Wednesday. Brady and Danielle hooked up...lol Danielle I love you and I was honest last night when we talked about it. Ya I still have feelings for him, still think he's hot, and will probably still flirt with him like he's my boy toy as he always has been (I'll try to refrain since he's yours now...lol but like when we were in the NIke store and you and him were having a moment and I sat on his lap...that's just how he and I are so Idk what will happen there). Anyway, my best friend is playing with my boy toy so I kinda feel like a little kid that just had to share her favorite toy with her neighbor (ps back then my neighbor was my best friend) lol but I've come to terms with the fact that Brady isn't what I want in the long run. He and I had our many problems and it wouldn't work out between us so there is really no point for me to hold you back from him sweetie. You two are so cute and twitterpated over each other and you deserve a hot man in your life. Ps I get where you are coming from with the feeling bad about Dustin thing and it is totally understandable! Just be supportive of him while he's at Boot Camp but be honest with him and then when he's done you can tell him the whole story of what's what.
And holy shat its freaking hot in my apartment right now which really makes me grateful for air conditioners and sad that I don't have a functioning one right now...but from the looks of Peter in his pics lol he doesn't have one in Mexico and that would definitely be worse!!! lol
Girlies I just want to say that I am so grateful for both of you. Bergen we haven't talked in a while and I feel like you hate me...but you two are honestly my best friends and you make life sooo much easier! I am so grateful for you and for my family and for all the wonderful things that I've been blessed with.
Ps Danielle I also relate with the psych classes and the OCD stuff lol they have some pretty wicked controlling techniques for it lol maybe we can practice together some day :)
Also, new people have been txting me lately and that is fabulous! I love txting friends! One new person is Bear! Yes lol Bear Chelson! He's moving to Provo so I'm stoked to be his bud lol. Also Ledouche and I have been talking again which is kinda fun! lol he's such a douche but for some odd reason I will always love him. Hmm what else is new...I talked to Evan on the phone a few days ago. There is nothing more depressing than trying to rush a convo once the phone starts beeping at 19 minutes to kick him off :( But he sounds like he's doing decently okay so that is good. I miss him like crazy!
Anyway, that's all for now. I love and miss you both. Berg we still have your bracelet to give you so hopefully we can see you soon! Danielle can't wait til Wednesday!!!
Peace out!

LOGAN!!!!

Hello ladies! Love you both! It's been so long since I've updated the blog. AHHH! Mostly because I was home. And I've noticed that since we've started this, we've kept in touch more. Not through the blog, through phone calls and texts and hanging out more! (Thank you SUMMER!)

So my life here in Logan is turning out quite fantastic! I really enjoy it here. It's really easy to be happy here because I have best friends here. (Brad and Ally). But if they weren't here...I think I would still be happy. I've already made friends! WHOO!

I'm actually sitting here in my psychology class, which so far I like! I like all of my classes! I'm really happy about that. So let me tell you two about what's going on in my class right now. There's a guy talking about ways we can get lab credits by participating in studies on campus. A lot of them have to do with OCD. And some of the studies are actually giving you treatment for OCD symptoms. I find it very interesting. Both of you (maybe not Bergen) know that I've dealt with the nasty anxiety of OCD before. And Hailey I know you know what it's like. Sucks balls! Haha, anyway I'm sitting here thinking, why didn't they have these things when I was in high school?! Or, Jr. High. Whatever. I think I've really found a way to control...or mostly control it. Anyway I'll stop talking about it because I hate OCD.

So I think I have a new boy. Ha. Bergen just to fill you in, it's Brady. The guy that Hailey had a thing with over Thanksgiving last year. He came to Seattle with us. And...he came to visit me this last weekend...and he likes me. Haha. That's the very short version. Anyway, so yeah...he's new. He's fun! For the first few days after Dustin left, I really missed him, though I've never regreted my decision to take a break or break up. Most of what I feel now is...sympathy? I just feel bad. Because I know how much he loves me and how much he wants to be with me when he gets back...but that's just not what I want. And I would never do something that I knew wasn't right for me, but I just can't help feeling bad for him. It's really gonna suck. I mean it already does because he's at basic and everything....but do you guys know what I'm talking about or am I just weird?

Hailey I thought about what you said. About it being unfair for me to not go for Brady, but I can't help but just...I dunno. I don't know if it's worth it to be with him if it bothers you. Does it bother you? I know you tell me it doesn't...but you can be honest! It's gotta be weird because you had a thing with him...but...just tell me how you're feeling about this please! I love you and I wouldn't want to hurt you over a boy.

Anyway, I'm going to try and pay attention to my class now. Haha, I love you both! Good luck with classes and have a great week! <3