Gay

So...I may or may not have kissed a gay man. Correction, I was kissed by someone that may or may not be gay. Oops...He tried to kiss me and I turned away and said that I didn't want to kiss on the first date especially since I met him the day before...right, ok so I didn't explain how I met him. K so Thursday I was at Five Guys Burgers and Fries with my roommates and this guy came and sat at the table next to us and started talking to us. Then he was kinda just talking to me and asked me on a date and asked for my number so I gave it to him. Then we went on a date last night (Friday) (note: all day I was stressin because he is 26 and sounds gay but wanted me on a date so I was like WTF!!!) Anyway, we went out for salad (ya still sounding gay) (oh and he talks gay too...like he sounds like more of a girl than I do--not his voice just the way he talks) then we went to some music lounge thing and watched some performances then we drove some high dude around for awhile and then we went back to his place (oh and all except the salad part we were with his roommate who is 20 but looks 17 lol and his name is Jake but my date, Matt, calls him Jakey). Ya so thats how that went. Anyway, told the guy no and he did it anyway. I'm weak, I couldn't not kiss back! UGH what is it with me and gay guys!!!! Then we went out to ice cream and I made him take me home cuz I was tired. And I think we're doing something tonight...he was like, "so this is weird because I met you yesterday but I have this huge crush on you..." and kept saying I was super pretty and blah blah blah which of course I like lol but he's gay! :( WHY!!!!! Anyway, love ya girls. :)

UPDATE, HUGE UPDATE!!!

Hello ladies!
How are you enjoying your summers? I hope that all is going well. I can't believe that you went on a taco bell run and didn't even think of me! Crazy how jealous I am of those boys for getting to spend more time with my best friends than even I do!!!
There are a few things that are worth my mentioning now. 1. Bergen, I can't believe that you felt the need to share my I enjoy cuddly boys txt with everyone! Especially Allen!!! Danielle, I was right! He was upset with me, and that was why. Last night I had a series of lengthy txts from him explaining why he hasn't been talking to me lately. The boy went three freaking days without talking to me! I am attached to him! I enjoy having a friend that wants to talk to me and will go through lengths to initiate said talks! I haven't decided how I feel about him and it wouldn't really matter anyway because of the long distance gig we got goin on here. 2. K so Allen hadn't been txting me so I txted him and was like wtf is wrong with you and why don't you talk to me and after taking forever to get him to answer this is what I got in the middle of the night:
You did nothing wrong and have nothing to be sorry about!! I think I'ma be honest with you, I hate it cause I feel stupid and "emotional" but whatever. I'm growing attached, I like you, your pretty much amazing...lol its probably obvious, and I didn't really want to tell you cause you don't seem like all that much of a "relationship" person and I don't want to make it awkward, I don't want you to think of this like you did with tim at all, liking you for years and such and being weird, but I do and its not a big deal, I don't know what to think about me falling for you...I have a hard time with the distance thing anyways and the other night they mentioned your liking cuddly boys txt, and it just got me thinking that you being with all these guys, I wouldn't stand much of a chance anyways, so not txting you as much is kinda my way of weening myself, I guess you could say...its stupid...
K so here I am getting a confession out of this boy of how much he likes me, and Idk what to say! I do care about him and think he's great but he lives in another state and I suck balls at relationships much less long distance ones! So we had a long chat about that...
3. Saturday night Grayson decided to remember that Hailey lives in Provo. He is living here too to work on his grandpa's farm and so he asked me to chill with him. I lead a sad and lonely life so of course I said yes. K but I actually got nervous to go out with him! I have liked this boy since he saved our butts at the Papa Roach concert, and last year when we had our one night stand, I liked him and got all excited about that and then it was like nothing ever happened between us. The boy is a bigger player than I am! So I'm thinking that I'd go into the night and we'd just chill, and if it came to kissing it'd just be ncmo. Well, I still like the stupid boy and it kills me that he doesn't talk to me! We had a lot of fun...A LOT OF FUN, lol and he hasn't talked to me since! Ok so I txted him because I wanted to (weird, I never txt first I know) but he only txted like three messages and then just stopped. Ugh I want to go out with him again because I miss being held with guys and I like it a lot!
I have a problem!!! Stupid boys are killing me!!!!!!
Anyway, that is all. Love you all tons. :)

Feeling Blue

Hey girls.
I've come to the conclusion that what I miss the most about home is hugs on hand and friends right there that I can just call up and go out with.
I'm struggling here. I have very little patience with one of my roommates and her boyfriend and would really appreciate slapping her in the face and punching him in the balls...ugh. You'd think that living with someone for so long you could become friends but it just gets harder. The one roommate that was here that I could go to for anything (well as much as anything as she could handle lol) was Debbie and she's in California for this entire term. Now I have no one to just go and talk to or just even sit with. I have friends here I guess, I mean, I'm not completely a loser, but I just want one of you that I can call up and say I'm feeling blue so you can come give me a hug.
Today has been a blue day. Evan called me this morning and I missed his call by just seconds. I haven't talked to him in forever and I miss him a lot. We write, but that's just not as good, I want him to tell me he's ok but I know he's struggling. He's really homesick.
My shoes blistered my feet today.
I flirted with a boy at Walmart but that's as far as that went.
I've been sitting alone in my room all day and all I want to do is cry and eat ice cream and then throw it all up. Mostly just eat it though. I could really go for a byobj party right now...
I miss being a little kid. Responsibility sucks. I know that this will pass and today is probably just my lucky day to feel like shit because I missed Evan's call and have been upset about it all day, but when you mope, everything piles up.
Like why didn't Peter write me this week? Why do I have to miss my baby sister's fifth birthday? Why can't I freaking learn Spanish? Why am I sitting in the same spot that I've been in for hours watching tv shows and crying?
I went ice skating with Mike on Saturday-which is like the ultimate hand holding date-and I didn't touch him. I didn't fall either! That was nice. I don't know what to do with that kid. And the whole time I was skating, I thought about Peter and when he took me. I was wearing my necklace with the locket and keys and I opened it and there was a tiny piece of paper in it that had his name on it and a heart. I wrote that over a year ago and it's been in that locket the whole time! Then I wear it on the day I go ice skating-which happens to be the first date he ever took me on?! Sigh.
All I want to do right now is get out of my apartment and be with people. Becky's at work, I asked her earlier. And I was banking on FHE getting me out...but just my luck it freaking got canceled today!
Yesterday at church, no one knew who I was and my relief society pres asked me if I was new to the ward or visiting in front of the whole class! I've been here longer than her! And I've met her! Several times! Whatever. And I can't even sit and watch Make it or Break it because it decided to be on Tuesday, but I work tomorrow! Today is just not my day.
I want to go running but my knee hurts a ridiculous amount. Like it just gets worse which is stupid and upsetting.
I just want someone to hug me while I cry over nothing. More than that I want to stop crying! This is so stupid! Ugh, k I'm done. Bye, love you.

Love you!

OOO my goodness. It's been too long. I kind of stopped updating once I got home from Twin. Sorry about that girlies. I've been updating you guys other ways though. Bergen we talk tons cause we hang out, and ever since that concert, I've texted you lots more Hailey. But I'm determined to keep this going so yay Hailey for updating today!! So now it's my turn.

Boys are pretty much the stress of my life right now. Well...mostly just one in particular. I really don't know what to do about Dustin. I don't want to get married and he knows that. But I don't know...it's just so hard for me to let go! It might be because he's my first boyfriend and we've been together for 2 1/2 years....but it could also be because I love him and I'm meant to be with him. But I don't know! Dustin is one of my best friends, I can be myself completely around him! And he's the same way. We have so much in common, but not at the same time which I think is a good thing. He's finally doing something with his life and he CAN'T back out of this one. He's doing it and that's that. It's good for him and as hesitant as I am about it, I'm really proud of him. But what the hell am I supposed to do?? I know what you girlies think....I know what everyone thinks about it. And I've been given a lot of great advice. The best of which was probably, "Do what makes you happy." I'm trying to think of what's going to make me happiest in the future. Either way is going to be really hard I think. We've talked about it a lot...lots of tears...lots of late night talks. But I'm still confused as ever! And I'm running out of time............

On to another subject I guess, because I feel that you guys already know what's going on with Dustin and I. Um...what else is there? Well I've been working and it's good. Sometimes Big J's annoys me, but I really am blessed. To have a job at all this summer. Broc is a good boss and although I wish I'd get more hours, I understand why I don't. I'm having a great summer though...despite the stress. I'm always stressed about something, so I don't even take stress into my "happiness" consideration anymore. Did that even make sense? Ha whatever.

So that Chris guy has been talking to me a lot. Text, fb chat, and msn messenger. Obviously nothing is going to happen because I have a boyfriend and I'm not that kind of a person. But I'm still allowed to say that he's cute haha.

Gotta get working on a scholarship application so maybe paying for school will be a tiny bit easier. I'm afraid I will probably procrastinate this....well wait...I already have. Haha. I'll end up cramming everything into a few days because that's what I always do with EVERYTHING! But...it always gets done and hey, I came out of my first year of college alright right?? Haha.

Let me just end this update with one thing. I love you girls and I am truly grateful for everything in my life, including you girls! I think that it's possible that this blog saved my sanity last semester. Ha, Bergen I've been having a great time with you! And Hailey, I can't wait to see you soon and then in a couple months I'll be much closer! Love you girls!

Update

Wow we haven't updated this thing in FOREVER!!!! I have a story or two that I feel the need to share so I'ma tell you on here.
First: So I've been going on a lot of dates with this guy named Mike. I work with him and he's a super sweet guy. He's twenty five and kinda short and chubby (not super chubby but not like rockin bod) with pointy ears. He reminds me of a happy little elf. Anyway, I think he likes me, because he takes me out all the time and everyone that I work with and talk to about it say he likes me too. Well, I don't think I like him like that. I like him as a friend and he is a party and a half to be with but that is all. The boy doesn't even tell me I look nice...like ever! I even tried really hard to look nice one day and he didn't say anything. But ya, I just am not that into him, like there is no attraction and so everyone gives me crap for going on dates with him. They say its leading him on and he'll think I like him if I keep saying yes. What do you think? Can't I just go on the dates to have fun? They all think I should be straight up and tell him that I don't feel the same way...but do I really need to if he doesn't bring it up or try anything himself? What do you think girls? He asks me out every weekend (except this last one because he was at a family reunion) but he doesn't live in Provo anymore because of an internship so he's only here on the weekend, he can't be thinking anything more than dating fun anyway right? IDK.
Second: Tyler. Ugh. Enough said right there. So awhile back he asked me to lunch (again!) and I was like, I can't take my lunch break for a few more hours cuz I had just gotten to work. So he was like "if i wait will you come with me?" kinda thing and I beat the idea around (obviously not!) and was like, "you'd have to wait a few hours" and he was like "so you'll go" and I was like "what do you want from me" and he was like "if I got what I wanted it wouldn't just be lunch" so then I was like, "No! I can't go to lunch with you. ever." then he got all "why" and retarded like usual and after work he called me and was like "why won't you hang out with me...why do you even bother talking to me...why'd you answer the phone if you don't want to talk to me" and was just being dumb. So I told him he was being dumb and that if it was too hard for him to control his thoughts around me at work than we couldn't be friends outside of work and that he is engaged and if he wanted to hang out we'd have to do a double date thing with his wifey there. He got all butt sore, like usual. Then things simmered down and it was just friendly chatting at work (ps I told him no more crued humor about me cuz I couldn't tell if he was joking and it wasn't good that he was even thinking those things so he got a lil better about that too) then last weekend he started txtin me and was like I'm finally over you. and then we did a benefit car wash for a guy that we worked with. I was the only girl out there so of course I got picked on. Tyler and I got in a mini water fight and then yesterday he came up to me at work and was like "Hailey you are fun to be around that's why I always want to hang out and we're over eachother so its cool. And we did fine last weekend at the carwash..." anywho then we had a boring convo and he said something about me selling myself on the internet and I said that I couldn't do that because I was getting married in April. (of course I'm not really getting married in April, though Peter will be back and we could have dated for a few months by then :) jk, but really) and he got super pissed. He was like "who is it? I bet he's some fag" and that kind of crap and then was just being a total jerk to me. And he was off the clock so I told him I didn't want to see him and to leave me alone and go home. So then later he txts me and is like so you really found someone to marry and I was like dude don't worry about it. Ya, so much for being over me. If he was, he wouldn't have cared. Ugh this boy is like a bag of drama that I just can't deal with. Then I had a dream that his girlfriend found out about us and was crying and all mad at me (but she looked like Alexa, Phelan's girlfriend so that was weird) and that was dumb. Boys are ridiculous.
Brady txted me yesterday. We had a decent convo, just really chillaxed and he decided that when I go home next i need to go bridge jumping with him. I don't know how I feel about him...Allen txts me almost every day still and is taking the weekend off work so he can chill with everyone...and me. I don't know what to do about these boys.
I got two emails from Peter. Consecutively in two weeks! I was so pleased! I miss him but I keep telling myself that he doesn't like me and that I am to him what Cody was to me, a destresser, and a way to get some ncmo before i had to go. Ugh fml. I want to diet and get skinny and cute so when he comes back he really will like me a ton...but ha we all know how well I diet...I'm doing this detox thing right now and all it does is bloat me up and kill my stomache, wtf these things are supposed to make me lose weight! UGH!
I have been getting emails from Evan, he's doing pretty well I believe.
Anyway, love you girls, tell me what you think. Can't wait to see you!!!
Peace out!

Content

Hey chicas!
I have a lot to be grateful for and I think that I should be more aware of such things. Evan is on his way to the middle East right now and I am sick to my stomache scared for him. I love him so much and am so grateful that we have been best friends for forever. I am also grateful (brace yourselves) for his girlfriend. She has good standings and makes him happy and Evan deserves to be the happest man on the earth.
I am grateful for my mom, I swear I call her a minimum of once daily but most of the time it's three times a day. We can talk about nothing and about everything all at once and she gets me more than anyone in the world.
I am grateful for these two really great friends that I have. There names are Danielle and Bergen and they have made college bareable through something so simple as a blog and midnight phone calls for the times I had my breakdowns.
I have decided that boys aren't worth the stress they put on me and that if I keep myself in the straight and narrow and do what I am supposed to do, that things will work out...its that faith thing again Berg.
I am grateful for Becky and her driving skills as well. Yes friends, I am coming home!!! Becky and I head home Thursday after nine (because I work until nine). I am so excited to see you girls!!! Danielle, Bullet was awesome and I was seriously depressed when you guys left, I miss having friends so much. And Berg, I haven't seen you in FOREVER so this weekend yall better be free. And I get to see my babies!!! Tonight Mom was having a hard time getting them to bed so she told them that if they didn't go to bed she wouldn't let me come home and so they both went straight to bed! Funny huh!!! Ha :) cuties
Anywho, I have plenty of boy stories for you but I'd like to save them for when I see you this weekend. You two are great. Love ya!!
Peace out~

Home again, Home again...jiggity jig.

It is amazing to me how fast time flies. Today is my last Thursday in Moscow Idaho. Tomorrow my parents will be here. Saturday, we pack up all of my belongings and Sunday we chance the 10 hour drive back to my home sweet home in dear old Saint Anthony. I would like to take a moment to reflect:

I never thought this apartment would ever be anything more than that...an apartment. But I have been here almost a year and it really has come to be my place of comfort and relaxation. I never thought I would get used to its bare walls and empty refrigerator, but believe it or not, this empty apartment, is my second home. As I walk from room to room (a short distance) I am amazed that our mattresses flung on the floor and our little plastic 3-drawer dressers really became the norm. I am glad that this tiny apartment gave me shelter, but I don't think I'll miss it as much as I miss my home. Maybe when I look into my room and see boxes of my stuff, packed up and ready to move, I'll remember the good times I had here. But for now, I am ready to leave it all behind and start up again in a new town.

My parents will be driving up to see us tomorrow. I am beyond excited. I haven't seen them since Christmas and that is a long time to go without my mom and dad! I am thrilled to be going home and to take a break from college life. I still have a lot to do in order to prepare for ISU, but I know that everything will fall into place. I guess I just have to have a little faith---or whatever it is that people think makes things fall into place.

Things I have Learned from my First year at College:

--I now fully appreciate my mother and everything it takes to manage a home, budget, family and life.

--I now know that I am a severely emotional person who needs more experience in expressing these emotions.

--I now love and depend on my friends so much more than I did before.

--You cannot live off of top ramen and mac and cheese

--Living with your sibling is NOT a good idea.

--There's a reason for everything.

--Pulling all nighters can be a bad thing.

--Lock your door behind you!

--Be more open minded.

--I can dye my own hair without hurting anyone.

--Life is too short to be too serious.

--Laugh at the little things, smile at the big.

--Working out makes me feel good.

--I am comfortable with my body and looks.

--Boys are still immature in college and will be until their mid 40's.

--Marriage is NOT the answer.

--I love you two so much and am glad we managed to stay friends over this long distance and hard period!

--I can't wait to see you both and have a rocking summer.

That's all for now, but I just wanted to take a little time to reflect and think about this past year. I learned a lot more than what is on the list, but I wanted to keep the post semi-short enough. I'm glad we started this Blog girlies. It was a good idea. When I think of us, I will always remember that night in the hot tub when we decided that we wanted a way to keep in touch. Danielle is right, it strayed from it's original purpose MANY times. But I sort of like it better this way. Hailey, hang in there doll. We are planning a summer intervention :) Love you both. And I remain forever yours. One of Three Chicks in a Hot Tub!