Oye.

Oh my. Well I should definitely read and update this blog more often. Sounds like you two are having one heck of a time right now and I send my condolances to you. I think it's strange that our positions reversed right now. Used to be I was the miserable one and you two were okay with life. Now I see that it's the other way around and I totally feel you there. Things here are okay, but they could be much better. They could also be worse. I think there are a lot of perks being 10 hours away from things that I love. I don't get down as often because I cant' go home and see what I am missing. Right now, I guess I'm okay with that.

Danielle-About your college dilemma. Don't factor in anybody but yourself! Think about your future and your life and when you've narrowed it down, then think about things like your boyfriend and your friends. If you try to please everyone, you won't end up pleasing anybody--especially not yourself. From my research ISU is pretty decent academically. U of I is stellar (obviously) and USU is pretty great too. Just make the decision for yourself because in the end, you're the only one that matters.

Hailey-About your current low. I'm sorry my dear, you deserve to be happy. I know what you mean about exercising and dieting feeling pretty pointless. I have been pretty bad in those areas myself lately. I know it's hard to get the motivation to do it, and I wish I could give you something to keep you going. It sucks being away from what you love, but at least you can go home when you want. Not to turn this into something about me, but I can't go home for the weekends. I envy you! Well I think you're fabulous and gorgeous and every day I wish I could be more like you because you rock!!

To both of you-- I am feeling very apathetic about college as well. I think we expected college to be a lot different than it is and we are all disappointed with all the crap we are experiencing. I wonder why this semester is sucking a lot. I wish that I could give you both a hug and say "Let's get ice cream!" but I can't really do any of those things. I hope that the semester looks up for all of us and that we somehow make it through this crappy week and find something good to take up our time. Miss you both and sending good karma and vibes in your direction!! Over and Out.

FML

Okay so I'm going to post my latest rant/confusion/stress. I am having an EXTREMELY hard time picking a school for next semester! I've applied at USU, ISU, and U of I. So far, USU have the most to offer me academic wise, but I haven't really talked to anyone from the other schools. ISU will have Bergen and be close to most everybody, but I haven't checked out their academics or campus yet. And then WTF?! Dustin decides that he wants to move to Moscow with his friends! So yeah I've applied to U of I......but my interest in going there is soooooooo not as big as the other ones. But I don't know if I could handle a TEN HOUR long distance relationship. 3 hours is enough......UGH! I really don't know what to do because no matter what....consequences are going to occur that will most likely make me unhappy. I'm just really stressed out right now and I don't know what to do and I'm so confused! I'm so overwhelmed with just THIS decision and then I have all of this other effing school crap that I barely care about anymore. Ugh. Today is a bad day. I'm just so confused!...I hope you girls are having a better time. Well...Hailey I know you're upset, so Bergen I hope you're having a good time up there. Love you and miss you both.

Sorry

Sorry I haven't been posting lately...just not much time.
Can I just say...I hate life. If death is the only thing that gives life meaning or purpose or even relevance, then can I die now? I hate it here. I enjoyed going home and being around people I love and who love me...but here...I am nothing. I am sick...still/again! I miss my family (I think going home made being here worse because I put it into purspective). I haven't exercised since saturday. I eat a lot. I am not happy with the way I look but I have no drive to change it anymore...cuz who cares anyway. I don't know how much longer I can take it here, and the worst part is that I am here by choice...I am paying to be in this hell! I just want to be a little kid again without a care in the world and having my mom take care of me again...I miss it and I'm not ready to grow up. It's too much all at once and it's not fair. Other people are so happy and excited to grow up and get out in the world...why is it so hard for me?
Whatev, sorry to be a downer ladies. When I get feeling better I'll start posting about my eating and exercising daily stuff k. Love and miss ya tons!

And...?

.....what happened to our before pictures?

Also...WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?!

Are We Alive?

Or I guess the better question would be...are we DEAD?! Ha, I thought we were gonna post our eating/exercise habits again. I haven't heard from you guys in days! (From the blog anyway hehe). Well....hope you girls are having a wonderful weekend! Love you and miss you!

SUCK BALLS

Pretty sure I hate life right now.
I haven't been eating well or excersizing...I'm sick and it's a pain in the butt. I have no desire to do anything but sleep and never ever wake up.
So I'm pretty sure I told you guys but I'll fill ya in so far: Tyler kept saying stuff and askin me to hang out with him right. I kept saying no. Then I told him it might just be easier if he stayed out of my life and just left me alone. He was all it's your choice, if that's what you want then fine, but you know what i think of you yada yada yada. K so pretty sure that was like a week or so ago. Today he showed me the ring. He's asking his girly to marry him...I'm happy for him but a complete mess at the same time. Shit I should be over flowing with joy but like I can't. I'm upset that he had me thinking things were so bad, I'm upset that I did what I did with him when she means so much to him, and I'm upset that he gets to be happily married and I can't even get a date. I pretty much am super jealous but I know I shouldn't be and I don't want to be. I just want to be happy for him, and I am...I mean I put on a happy face and congradulated him but kinda died a little on the inside. I don't know what I'm feeling and it's killing me.
CUT WITH THE FLOW AND STICK IT IN H2O. That's pretty much what is on my mind right now.
Plus, it's been exactly one year since I've seen Peter and about five months since I've heard from him. It sucks. I hate my life and I miss him and keep dreaming that he doesn't like me and never did and never will. I hate it. Sleep is my refuge but it taunts me. I just want him to care.
I want to die. I have a huge test tomorrow and I'm whiggin.
I want to cry. I hate this.
I had a ton of fried crap and ice cream for dinner plus a sandwhich and crackers and trail mix and everything I could see. I haven't worked out because I'm sick but I want to run and just never come back.
I don't know how long I can take this...
K well I'm done whining now, later ladies.

Day Two!

I am so excited about today. I did so well! I went to the University REC center and am planning on making that part of my daily routine! I have a workout buddy too, which is super nice! Her name is Sara and we both want to get in better shape and shed a few pounds. I ran on the track for a half an hour and spent half an hour on a bike. Overall I burnt 200 + calories!! That's super amazing. It's really nice to know how much your work does. As far as food goes I ate half a piece of pepperoni/sausage pizza and a yogurt. I feel really good today because working out always makes me feel that way. I'm really excited that it's already going better than my last plan. I guess being a poor college student has it's ups and downs, but not having money for food makes it pretty easy to go easy on eating. I guess that's one thing that works for me.

As a side note, I am submitting my application to ISU tomorrow and I made the decision today that if I get accepted that I will be going there next semester. I am excited and nervous. I meet all the requirements for transfering, but you just never know! I am excited for the change and am looking forward to being a little bit closer to the things that I love (this includes you two!!) Well that's all my news for the day! Miss you girls. Over and Out.

Sorry this is late! Dustin left today... :( but I get to see him on Sunday, so it won't be that bad. Anyway, this will be quick cause I have to start on a pretty huge history paper. I'm gonna try and remember yesterday. I did work out! I did 50 minutes of jazz dance. Haha which is much harder than you might think. She had us to like 30 minutes of work out stuff...lots of crunches and leg work outs...hence the reason my hamstrings kill today. And then we spent the rest of the time dancing. But..it was like sweating dancing. Pretty intense stuff. So I count that as a good workout. For eating I did cereal, taco bell, and a sandwhich. Not too bad right? It'll get better though. Alright gotta go start on that damn homework now. I love you girlies! Oh wait Bergen...congrats on ISU. I don't think I'd be too worried about getting accepted. They're a state university....so they don't really turn many people down. I think you would like it there. I've heard it's pretty diverse. And I'm still thinking of going there! I turned in my app a few weeks ago, but still haven't heard anything....OH! I am officially accepted to USU. Haha cool right? I'm visiting them this Friday. Hopefully I'll get to talk to some people who will help me with scholarships. So much for keeping this short...bleh. Okay I really better go now....Love you girls.